teadidikai: (Summerknight Tea)
teadidikai ([personal profile] teadidikai) wrote2010-04-02 12:12 pm

Empty

I'm running on empty. I'm emotionally and mentally exausted, and by the time I get done with my housework for the day, I'll be physically exhausted and likely in pain as well. I'm cramping- the kinds of cramps I had when I was in High School- the kind that not even 800mg of Vitamin I could fix.


I'm emotionally drained- completely tapped out. A person who I thought was a friend has taken everything I hold dear. My art, my spiritual gifts including readings with handmade cards and an attunement in Reiki, and last but not least- at my polite request that she not take my sanctuary from me, she provided a fuck you. Inviting Jessica into my life has been one of the biggest mistakes I have made in the last ten years. Actually- it wasn't a polite request- I was begging. Actually begging that she leave it alone- I go there to get away from people like her, but no.

Friendships are a give and take. For all these precious things I have given, I have only received justification for bigoted attitudes.

I found myself having exceptionally violent thoughts. Scary kind of violent thoughts. I know nothing will come of them- I could never actually do the kinds of things, but it frightened me none the less. Betrayal, anger, pain, fear, sorrow, depression, indignation. My comfort has been distraction- through art, my lover.

I'm the kind of tired that wants to close my eyes and step away from the world- floating over it and apart from it like a star, never to come back down.
nuri: Alphonse Mucha print (Default)

[personal profile] nuri 2010-04-02 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
On the other hand, you have friends who love and adore you. Choose to focus on us at the worst, and you might have joy. :)