teadidikai: (Default)
teadidikai ([personal profile] teadidikai) wrote2010-02-04 10:41 am

Unconditional Love

I've experienced unconditional, supportive, encouraging love from someone.
I have lots of friends. People who mean a lot to me.
I have a husband who loves me.

But there is really only one person in my life who wanted nothing for me but the very best, and who did so unconditionally.
It's completely possible to let go of friendships. It's completely possible to have friendships end badly, and those I am close to now- I hope that it never happens. But I also acknowledge that it could happen. Hell, it could well be my fault. I tend to drop off the face of the planet sometimes.

But there is only one person in the world I would never run away from. And she's dying.
My Nana is the reason this state is Home.

I'm having a very hard time with everything that is going on.
Sure, there are little victories. A good connection here or there. A moment of insight or joy. It currently feels more like I'm living for the sake of distraction- that there's nothing, save her, that is keeping me grounded in what I know as my life.

It worries me. It's a horrible kind of depression I suppose. I don't feel depressed, I feel apathetic- completely detached from the world.


~~~

I reread what I was writing, and I gotta say I hate it. It reads as self-indulgent bullshit. Never been a fan of that.
I think I shall call the local butcher and see if he has some horns. With luck, I'll be able to make something pretty that will make someone else happy.

 

Distraction.


nuri: Alphonse Mucha print (Default)

[personal profile] nuri 2010-02-05 02:59 am (UTC)(link)
It's a too early (and may it stay that way for a long time) for the tense of this song, but it's one of my favorites:
Wanting Memories (sweet honey in the rock)

So, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Since you've gone and left me, there's been so little beauty,
but I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.
Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place.
Here inside I have few things that will console.
And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life,
then i remember all the things that I was told.

Well, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Yes, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young.
I think on the things that made me laugh , made me dance, made me sing.
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride.
I think on these things, for they are true.