teadidikai: (Trilium Tea)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 09:58am on 28/04/2010
So I am currently revamping a good chunk of my lifestyle. Some of it is fine tuning. Most of it is overhaul.

My big project today- in addition to paying my bills and doing more work on the apartment is putting together enough information on nutrition to form a well thought out meal plan for my daily life, then tweeking it here and there to help it fit into AJ's life as well. Currently this consists of going through the base ingredients of what we like to eat and figuring out what we can make with them- then highlighting that with portion control and accenting it with spices, herbs and beverages.

My apartment is looking good. It's nice to have all these book shelves.

The other major thing going on currently is that AJ is insistent on me getting a new nose stud. The current one I have was poorly made and it shows. So I need to make some calls and get some quotes.
teadidikai: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 10:16am on 16/04/2010
Immigration is a tricky subject.
To sum up my stance, I am against illegal immigration- emphasis on the illegal bit. I understand there are disadvantages to other groups seeking to enter the US and make it their home. The solution for this that our government has designed is the Green Card Lotto. This helps people who are at a disadvantage due to economic status and the color of their skin much like Affirmative Action is meant to combat the systemic preference for certain groups.

A friend of mine posted an article about new rights being granted to illegal immigrants. I commented on how illegals get more rights than the legal immigrants and their families, like my husband and I. She deleted it. Censorship at it's finest.

This is what happens when any viewpoint is taken to an extreme, when it stops being about the facts and starts being about supporting something because of what it is grouped with- it doesn't matter if it's done under the banner of Conservatism or Liberalism. Silencing other people who raise legitimate issues- honest to goodness facts, is not intellectually honest and is far from justice- our nation recognized this at it's inception and created the First Amendment.

A couple hundred some odd years later and I'm still waiting for it to "trickle down" into the hearts and minds of the very people who enjoy this freedom.
Mood:: 'annoyed' annoyed
teadidikai: (Trilium Tea)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 02:22pm on 02/04/2010
Who chooses to be hurt?
Who chooses to be harmed? To be beaten, or abused?
Who chooses to suffer?

I'm not talking about self-inflicted wallowing, or personal cutting or anything like that. I'm talking about the deep soul wrenching pains that others cause.

"Choose to learn form this"
"Choose to heal"
"You're choosing to be offended"
"You chose to be in that situation".

Fuckit.
teadidikai: (Summerknight Tea)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 12:12pm on 02/04/2010
I'm running on empty. I'm emotionally and mentally exausted, and by the time I get done with my housework for the day, I'll be physically exhausted and likely in pain as well. I'm cramping- the kinds of cramps I had when I was in High School- the kind that not even 800mg of Vitamin I could fix.


I'm emotionally drained- completely tapped out. A person who I thought was a friend has taken everything I hold dear. My art, my spiritual gifts including readings with handmade cards and an attunement in Reiki, and last but not least- at my polite request that she not take my sanctuary from me, she provided a fuck you. Inviting Jessica into my life has been one of the biggest mistakes I have made in the last ten years. Actually- it wasn't a polite request- I was begging. Actually begging that she leave it alone- I go there to get away from people like her, but no.

Friendships are a give and take. For all these precious things I have given, I have only received justification for bigoted attitudes.

I found myself having exceptionally violent thoughts. Scary kind of violent thoughts. I know nothing will come of them- I could never actually do the kinds of things, but it frightened me none the less. Betrayal, anger, pain, fear, sorrow, depression, indignation. My comfort has been distraction- through art, my lover.

I'm the kind of tired that wants to close my eyes and step away from the world- floating over it and apart from it like a star, never to come back down.
Mood:: 'crushed' crushed
teadidikai: (Trilium Tea)
I know I always have an iron or two in the fire. I'm in an odd place right now. My fulfillment is stemming largely from my artwork, but it isn't paying the bills.

But right now, it doesn't matter. I need this. It sounds odd, even irresponsible- but more than anything now I need to practice my art and support my community through it.

To those ends, I have two huge projects going on- on top of my already busy life.

SummerStar is sixteen weeks away. Procession is about six weeks away.

I usually contribute in one small way or another, but this year is a lot different.

For SummerStar I am decorating about thirty masks. Here are some of my ideas: )

All that being said, I'm really excited. If I do about two masks a week, I'll be doing great! <3
My work with the Procession will be a lot different. Mostly cleaning up after people, but I am hoping I will eventually have time to work on my own art at the Studio.
Music:: Crystal Village by Pete Yorn
Mood:: 'excited' excited
teadidikai: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 07:38pm on 26/02/2010
Tea's Coconut Fish Tacos

1 Coconut
2 Tomatoes
2 Talapia filet
1 bag cole slaw mix
1 lime
1 egg
Salt and pepper
Paprika
1 clove garlic
4 stems of parsley
8-10 Corn tortillas

Crack open the coconut enough to get a straw in so you can drink the milk. Plan to do this the day or so before you make them so it can dry a little in the fridge.

The next day, break open the coconut and shred the coconut meat. My favorite way is to toss it off a balcony. Learned that trick in high school.
Mix the freshly shredded coconut with chopped garlic and chopped parsley.
Mix the egg up, dip the talapia in the egg, then into the coconut and herb mixture and set into a lightly oiled baking dish- just enough to keep it from sticking. Sprinkle with a bit of salt, pepper and paprika.

Feel free to pack on a little extra coconut on top. Bake that off at 350*. In the mean time slice the tomatoes and the lime so they're all ready when the fish comes out. Heat up the tortillas.

When the coconut is nice and toasted and the fish is flaky, pull it out of the oven. Put a couple slices of tomato, a bit of the slaw mix and some chunks of the fish onto the warm tortillas. Squeeze a little lime over it and enjoy.
Mood:: 'content' content
teadidikai: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 10:41am on 04/02/2010
I've experienced unconditional, supportive, encouraging love from someone.
I have lots of friends. People who mean a lot to me.
I have a husband who loves me.

But there is really only one person in my life who wanted nothing for me but the very best, and who did so unconditionally.
It's completely possible to let go of friendships. It's completely possible to have friendships end badly, and those I am close to now- I hope that it never happens. But I also acknowledge that it could happen. Hell, it could well be my fault. I tend to drop off the face of the planet sometimes.

But there is only one person in the world I would never run away from. And she's dying.
My Nana is the reason this state is Home.

I'm having a very hard time with everything that is going on.
Sure, there are little victories. A good connection here or there. A moment of insight or joy. It currently feels more like I'm living for the sake of distraction- that there's nothing, save her, that is keeping me grounded in what I know as my life.

It worries me. It's a horrible kind of depression I suppose. I don't feel depressed, I feel apathetic- completely detached from the world.


~~~

I reread what I was writing, and I gotta say I hate it. It reads as self-indulgent bullshit. Never been a fan of that.
I think I shall call the local butcher and see if he has some horns. With luck, I'll be able to make something pretty that will make someone else happy.

 

Distraction.


teadidikai: (Trilium Tea)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 01:59pm on 02/02/2010
When I was first out on my own- I had no place to stay. I was too young to work without my parent's consent and my mother refused because she wanted to keep cashing the government checks.

I had no money. My grandparents couldn't just give me a check, but my Nana would buy my artwork. Mostly little things made of clay.

When my mother dropped off some of "Nana's junk", I found some of the little things she bought from me maybe a decade earlier.

Fuck. 
Mood:: 'grateful' grateful
teadidikai: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 02:46pm on 01/01/2010
At long last, my divination deck is almost done.
I finished the cards themselves, I just need to wax them so I can shuffle them and they'll be water proof.

I want to dance and sing I am so happy!
Mood:: 'ecstatic' ecstatic
location: SIZIZIS
teadidikai: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] teadidikai at 10:57am on 19/12/2009
I keep listening to this song over and over. It's a Christmas song, which isn't my favorite theme, but I can't get over how beautiful it is.

The Christmas Season- with all it's complexities, is a time for forgiveness.

I've reached a point where I can forgive my mother for the latest harm she did.
I think this is the first thing I have ever been able to forgive her for, rather than simply ignore long enough to be in her presence.
I haven't forgotten, but I'm not angry now.
Perhaps a little sleepy. Maybe a little depressed, but not angry.
Mood:: 'depressed' depressed
Music:: Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls

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